J(Z)ubin

Bangalore - Was it end or has it just begun to be part again

2009-12-24T11:51:00.000-08:00

Time encompasses so fast that, till we are about to sort out memories of any incident or any event in our every day routine, some or other incident re brushes memory lane to wake it up to same experiences to show up.

I am on verge of letting our Bangalore trip's incidents to flow down here, as I had promised and in meanwhile its so exciting that I am jolting these down in midst of my preparation again to depart for same destination although with different mission in hand this time. My previous post was all about my birthday remainders and my next day was suppose to be beginning for different journey not only the reality aspect but also for my career part of it.

We (includes Me, Roshan, Asmit, Moiz & Shreyash) had been to Bangalore for ABLE India competition with our team being selected one among top-20 at all India level for sending novel methodology to diagnose and treat Primary Glioblastoma (Brain tumor), with every team with their own concepts or technologies with some particular goal in mind. We became extremely proud when we read that we were selected among more than 200 applicants and selected one's being from different premier institutes like IIT's, etc. It's always great feeling to be with andto compete with people of such grades.

We had booked our tickets for nice cool 2nd AC in Udhyan Express, with feelings reaching greater height when being informed that we would be getting reimbursement for all our traveling expenses and also that we have been provided accommodation in nice expensive suit of 5 star hotel. The journey in train was worth memorable from events like roshan starting installations in laptop as soon as we entered train from Kalyan, trying to get laptop charged, with Asmit sorting issues when he boarded train from Pune, watching movies like 'Andaz Apna Apna','Hangover', was really fun to get going.

We arrived in Bangalore on 24th morning and as we were given accommodation from 25th morning, we had to manage one day's stay, which we got it done with Shreyash's help, by getting flagship to stay at one of his friend's relative place. Typical South Indian welcome we got at their place, with warm coffee and a much needed breakfast just kept ready for us. We can hardly return back any favors from them for way we were made to feel being at home.

The day went quickly as lunch went heavy with most guys and made Roshan, Shreyash and Asmit sleep with wonderful dreams running around.Well as every team had to give power point presentation and restrictions like allowing only 5 slides maximum was itching us to rack our brains more for some innovation. With cheese serving as perfect trigger for moiz and with minor input from me of taking snapshots and adding them to slides. Moiz climbing perfectly on idea by not only taking snap shots but enlarging them on their occurrence during presentation. The idea worked perfectly fine.

Well as the lunch got digested and evening followed we had minor breaks in between and all 5 of us getting charged up. The dinner was again refreshing and was followed by small walk with moiz still searching for perfect food to satisfy his tummy. The night brought in more movies specially for moiz who loves hanging around not much far from any gadget when he is awake. The next morning was certainly more merrier as it was our time to get in to hotel.

The event was organized at Ramee Guest line Hotel and also place of our accommodation. We were split up during our on way to destination as Maruti 800 of the uncle (who took pains and time to drop us to venue) quite small in loading all of us heavy weights. So me and Shreyash had to board Auto, which dropped us in midway to catch bus as being instructed. The experience in that bus, I can never forget as our entry in bus was marked by large voice, which later on we realized was some south Indian hero giving war cry on villain from a movie running on television sets attached in bus. We very interestingly followed what went in the Kannada movie, trying to interpret with suddenly realizing that bus got in to last stop and we were suppose to catch some other vehicle to carry on, which allowed us to get experience of Volvo bus system, was truly memorable.

As we came across the ABLE India representatives at the venue, it brought us more cheers with we getting our part of the reimbursement. The rooms were extremely cool place to keep us attached to bed for long enough but as time schedule for the 3 day event was organized it needed us to be ready in short time interval and attend lecture series for next 2 days which were arranged to help us with our presentations on the 3rd day with topics ranging from Entrepreneurship, finance, new scientific innovations, Government initiatives for Biotechnology sector in India, etc with speakers like Kiran Mazumdar Shaw from Biocon, many leading personalities from Department of Biotechnology (DBT)-India. We were provided with wi-fi facility which was very much relief for all internet addicted generation staying there which helped also for building up blocks for the presentation along with inputs from different seminars.

The day of presentation was most thrilled as organizers had arranged Industrial Visits to Biocon but we choose of settling ourselves in our rooms and making presentation which was like brought in something like presentable form on 2nd day's night by moiz and shreyash. The morning sailed on with all of us forcing ourselves on laptops and trying give inputs for the presentation. The most memorable scene was that we had our presentation timed at 3 and we were still settling scores to prepare final copy and although we went for lunch it brought us sooner to room with tensions creeping to certain extent. At 2:30 few of us were almost ready and one guy which is moiz was very calmly making final touches to presentation and finally we did receive call twice from Nandita Mam (Chief coordinator) on our dear group leader Roshan's cell phone. As all of us reached to the seminar hall which was occupied only by the panel of judges waiting for each team to individually present their project proposals.

It was one of the most admiring moment for me as moiz who was suppose to present our proposal did not even go once through the final soft copy of presentation although time was also against it and it was indeed really interesting and pleasurable to watch roshan with such a big smile on his face with him getting free of giving presentation by getting nervous during our practice sessions. It is fun to watch how stress can change our expression status.

As we were called in for the presentation we all teamed up looking truly professional with everyone matching each other through their perfect formals and tie to go around. I definitely marked that we stood best among rest of the teams in being perfectly dressed up.

Introduction was given by me for our team leader and all of our team members followed by getting nod from panel for moiz to present and those 10 minutes he spoke like warrior trying to battling for his bride. After presentation time limit, we were put up with few questions with biggest hurdle which we understood was that we dealt with 2 things at one go the diagnosis and treatment. Choosing either of them would have helped us to give enough justice to push our idea in those most skilled brains present in the panel of judges. It was enough justice that moiz was still considered as person to give best presentation among all teams there ,which was award in itself.

As the presentation got over it was one of the most relief moments to follow with all of us heading for a much needed break by chilling out through photo session, interacting with other teams and relaxing by pool side although wait for results was building up among all.

The results were announced in evening session with 3 teams from different institutes getting awarded for ideas like 'Vein locator', 'Bio diesel project', etc. It left lump in the throat for not reaching final 3 but it did allow oxygen to enter with a feeling that we were left enriched with higher values, higher skills, loads of inputs at different aspects, giving us opportunity to truly be one among the best.

The next day (28th July) was little shy in terms of activities as we were suppose to leave for our return journey back to Mumbai in evening through Udhyan Express, with we all choosing to relax in hotel room until our check out time. We got a Volvo bus back to station with ride giving Bangalore darshan sort of. The lunch comprised of KFC on the menu for non vegi's and me and asmit feasting on nearby mithai shop.

The return journey in train was again pleasurable with movies to recounting all the events to cheese feast by moiz next morning in train till Pune saw asmit waving off. As we got down at kalyan it did gave a feeling of satisfaction which was biggest gain for me from the journey and experiences throughout not only during journey but through our formulation of the project where moiz came up with idea, roshan working with high end animations to come up with some high end animated diagram, me getting chance to show skills by my writing by building requisites of proposal and getting laptops arranged, shreyash managing inputs from setting up meeting with pharma company owner to finding accommodation before our stay at hotel, asmit charging up with his knowing of scientist to allow us getting their inputs.

I can just summarize that it was made worth the part of life through loads of efforts, ideas, few months to put in from everyone of us each one contributing as much as possible, which has made richer in terms of experiences we all shared together, lessons we learned at each stage. Just wanna say 'Thanku Guys' to all my team members.

Birthday or day for rebirth of joys

2009-10-21T06:29:00.000-07:00

Hey I am up to promise of updating my blog. I had planned to list down all my experiences in last few months which make a stand up in position any time when I sit to analyze my memory lane. It has been beautiful to be part of all those feelings which never allow mind to be left alone.

I would like to start with my birthday, 22nd July, a day which will stand always upright but this time it had many feathers to make me fly little higher, which made it more special. I had my final presentation for the project in KEM lined up a day where we generally feel to spend quality time with family and friends and definitely carry out celebrations round the 24 hours. The day was meant to be more hectic as next day I had to catch train to Bangalore for which I can say is that the following trip proved to be one of the major turn around in my academic and research outlook which got a new dimension added to it. The following post after this one revolves around the memorable time in Bangalore.

The day started with clock ticking midnight & I got a sweet surprise from my parents & brother to make the beginning of the day with sweetness of chocolate cake, with more surprises standing in line. I had my friend dropping in to again get my senses running for the sweetness of cake, which were clouded by the gifts, I received from my friends 'shreyash', who also added to be a carrier for others gift also. This happening was surrounded by a hilarious situation of 'Amruta' calling me up and inquired whether shreyash had come or not, giving a definite idea about the surprise which he was suppose to give. The situation actually turned funny when shreyash was standing with my mobile in his hand & it received message from amruta for not saying anything to shreyash regarding what blunder she had done, made every moment worth the time.

Morning brings brightness and so does the responsibility of standing up to each task in hand. Morning was encircled by running to be on time with starter of the day being visiting siddhivinayak temple & it made more memorable as I had 'Shashi', friend/sister (both relation she fits into perfectly), as company. Within the span of me reaching to the temple, I had my friends who really made a point to call me up. As I finished with darshan I was holding few gifts in my hand from my fellow mate, an as such very lazy girl but generally she makes a point to run when it is really needed. It feels overwhelmed to have such people in my life, not in terms of getting gifts, but just for their existence in life.

As we finished with our darshan and we proceeded to our destination in a cab, Apeksha with her regular time of calling in morning during birthdays jumped in to call me up & wishing me up both for birthday & also for the presentation lined up. As the cab went ahead from prabhadevi towards sewri, KEM came along & so my destination for next few hours, with time requiring to concentrate on professional front and keeping personal sides on back end. I had few changes to be carried out which were left out as I had skipped previous day to attend & get it done by my guide's suggestions. My guide was like in a state of more nervousness than I was but she made a point to make me remember that I had skipped previous day & following it with a list of changes to be carried out for the final presentation. I had presentation at 3:30 along with my fellow trainee mate from other department with only 2 of us left from the entire batch of 10.

As the time proceeded, nervousness made a front end appearance, along with getting calls for the birthday wishes along from 'Anushka' (my other prized sister) and many other of my friends, with my guide being a regular follower with the progress taking place with respect to the presentation. My friend was little late to arrive & completely drowned in nervousness. Time ticked in with every moment making its presence felt that day. Meanwhile my friends kept inquiring about what time I would get free and presentation happenings. Deepika, the support system , was like get it done faster or if possible before the scheduled time so more time I could engage myself with my friends. It sounded such a lucrative and mouth watering at that moment but rules stand by themselves so we do have to.

The day was like running like no time to lunch and during lunch time it came to know that presentation was actually scheduled at 3 and not at 3:30. It made pressure levels reaching to their peak, with both of us consolidating each other that our Director Sir won't ask many questions. It was like bigger challenge for me to stand in front of him and give presentation on topic which stand as his favorite not only in terms of interest but also that many of his own projects are based on same disease.

As time ticked 3, everyone from the institute rounded up in seminar room for attending our presentation. That time it seemed like those people were there to check out how these fools are gonna be made fun of, with attendance from all the renowned scientists and emerging ones made that scene similar to the described one.

As the projector was put on, it had to do add more fun to the moment by not working properly, so it was decided that we would have to give our presentation without any help from our slides. That moment it seemed even that gadget was in mood to make our fun of.

My friend Sachin, was first to begin with, nervously but patiently trying to put forward each point ahead & really can't say for what reasons the projector started working properly. I guess the morning darshan really helped :-) . It was truly for gods grace. My friend finished his presentation and was like standing alone in battle field to be bombarded with questions, which few he could answer & few arrows taking silently with no replies, truly a Indian battlefield scene.

Next was me in line for the presentation, and having a habbit of like whatever situation in hand, confidence to justify in whatever I have carried out really acted as saviour. I had few questions coming from Sir, in between with few I could stand up to and few arrows look like were not that hard to survive in. The vibrations of my cell phone made their high level of presence felt in between presentation period adding to anxiety at the back end, sounds funny now. As I had finished my presentation , I was dropped upon truckloads of questions, that time I can never skip anytime whenever I remember that day. The moments after Director Sir had left few of them were congratulating me that actually I had done very well to be so confident and survive in that battle field. Few of them consolidated me that it was absolutely fine in being unable to put a answer for everything.

The next moments I remember me & my friend spent releasing toxic wastes from kidney which helped in relieving pressure and bearing a sense of achievement.

The following part of day was than definitely has got approval for a time to party for every single reason. My friends were very eager to know what time I was heading to the gathering point and which my friends had decided to be thane, pizza hut. I boarded train to thane with my heavy bag and also a laptop in bonus to add to the load. As I was about to get down at thane, a person got a slight touch of my bag for which he made a scene that I had hit him, which gave him a rough time with having to put his ears to the tone of words making him understand what bad timing he had tried to cross his limits.

The time then on was filled with cake, fun, gifts, including a bag, tshirts, shirt, chocolates making my day stand up in the memory lane. Special thanks to all my friends (Deepika & Shreyash in particular for making all the necessary buildup to make my birthday more special).

Well time was running and I really wish could those moments hold up for some more time to continue. It was late and I had all my packing left for one more life time journey from next following day. Getting a call from home saying, if I had time for people at home made me run faster back home. Getting back home and attending calls with battery shouting to get some charge. Reaching home made a sigh of relief to the mind, with people at home wondering how long was my list of gifts which I had received. The next few hours went like in few seconds, with all requirements getting filled in my baggage and filling up excitement for time I had spent and time which was about to come.

I really cherish every single moment & every single experience I had been through that day & I could definitely bet that the day would rank very high, when at any later point of my life if I had to sit and keep remembering about few days and few moments I had in my life and I bet if this post was exciting the following posts would reflect my experiences in terms of few simple words.

Special thanks to everyone who was part in making this reflection of my experience a worth it.

New season on the way :-) :-) :-)

2009-10-18T06:28:00.000-07:00

It feels really great to drop back on the things which we cherish to do. It has been long time since any updates with one of the activity I really involve myself with.

There have been changes around with things which have been on my way from last post. There have been experiences which I have gone around with. There have been many incidents which I feel if I can keep a note will stand to their worth. There have been achievements which stand tall in the memory lane. Wish to pour down everything which some or other time I can just get a glimpse how life moves through different stations and bringing along people to come, people to leave, experiences to act as those different food stuffs which are sold in trains, sometimes tasty, sometimes bitter, sometimes old stuff renewed in newer package.

Well just wish to carry along with everything which I can put it on display as a picture through few simple words :-) :-) :-)

It's my turn this time

2008-11-29T10:13:00.000-08:00

I am tired, I am sad,

I am worried, I am not sure about anything,

I cannot say if next moment will be my turn or anyone falling down,

counting last few moments of life.

I am common man who just has limits of earning and feeding his family,

I am tied down by restrictions, I am bound to follow my track,

I can't afford to open my eyes and watch everything happening,

I can't afford to speak everything which I can feel,

I am just another man who lives for few basic needs of life,

When god made us, did he distinguish,

Does my life stand for nothing,

Is my life not accountable,

How come it can get over just for sake of violence,

Don't I have freedom even to exist in this world,

Why is that every time my compulsion towards my duty is considered as spirit,

spirit to just continue without any feelings, never to show it up,

just to grasp everything and someday lay down ourselves,

again to someday some back and become part of another just living.

I never asked for anything, but today I ask for my existence,

Today I am here to say, I am here to speak,

I am angry, I am furious,

I will not just shout but will show this world,

I am part of nature's wonderful creation and I have right to live.

I will make world look to me and watch that I am here,

I am common man, I am common man,

I am not alone and that is how I am common among man,

I am common man, I am common man

Where do we stand?

2008-10-22T05:01:00.000-07:00

This time I felt may be there is really need to touch different kind of writing, not for any one but for all of us to think where we are heading towards.

From last few months, there has been a upward trend towards violence, hatred, blasts occurring, students not allowed to appear for exam just because they belong to particular place, that too in India and recent one of Raj Thackeray getting arrested which propelled more fuel for people, who have completely lost their mind, to make a common man feel to be in complete hell.

I think most of the people who have bit of educational background do feel that politics is last thing to expect anything good for us, for our city or for our nation or at least for humanity.

There has been trend of educated people getting involved with terror activities, late on. Have there been a single thought put behind it why this trend is on rise, how serious it can become if we don't get our basics right.

If we consider single example of a student in a educational institute, is real knowledge being imparted to him, schools are rocketing their fees sky high, makes student differentiate between each other on basis of economic status, how do we expect this students to ever understand the correct meaning of education. On one side it makes a group of people having all comforts to make others feel low, well on other hand it is generating strata of frustrated individuals who strive hard to clear all hurdles at educational level, but when they are exposed to real world, many are falling on lure of money for masterminding atrocities like blasts.

If we consider religions, Christians were targeted recently, may any one can explain how do we impress god by killing people from other religion, what level of politics it involves, it is more complicated then most computer algorithms.

Coming Mumbai issue, does any one even know who are real inhabitants of Mumbai, it would be interesting if we trace that out using genetic tests, something for which even few others can earn money.

In this time where global recession is making many people to end their lives, it is more important to make basics of economy strong, like China, our strength lies in agriculture, also in generating most innovative technologies, if there is effort put by government to keep best minds in country, there is loads of money spent on biotechnological techniques of improving crop yield, but is there anything done to stop amount of wastage which occurs at every stage, that is where real test lies or real biotechnology stands.

This people say, they want to design Mumbai to world class city, do they even realize just for their politics, for their interests they are simply making mess of Mumbai, where without infrastructure, there are housing projects jumping up every day, without electricity for common man, for industrial areas, new malls still coming up, a simple thing like race course which brings some oxygen in city to be next target for development, by making false fire situations repeatedly.

It's not about single person, not about single political party, not about single family, single educational institute, not about one religion, but it is point for everyone of us, are we taking steps towards future really, is young man thinking to make small change or small difference to it, by starting from owns self , or just to crib about the situation., will this make us end to disasters happening every now and then, making mankind to stand a point to finish themselves very easily not by global warming, or such issues, but just by few people's mentality, where we are finishing ourselves mentally and we won't be able to stand in front of mirror coz only one left to put blame on will be we ourselves.

If any proof required of how stress levels are increasing, can be provided by real time research, like pattern of it increasing, with factors involved in it, so last but not the least but do start speaking, really change needed..where and how...well decide it's for us to do it

God spoke something.....

2008-10-08T05:32:00.000-07:00

I had a conversation with god,Only I could do is, to ask for few things...

I asked him, to give me happiness,

No reply came,

I asked him, to give me strength,

No reply came,

I asked him, to give me power,

No reply came,

I asked him, to give me knowledge,

No reply came,

I asked him, to give me money,

No reply came,

I asked him, to give me friend,

No reply came,

I asked him, to give me everything I could include in my list,

No reply came,I asked, y r u said to be god then,U never give me anything,

There came a reply, even god has only 2 powers...to give only 2 things...I give u life...and I give u..urself..

Silent talk

2008-05-18T03:03:00.000-07:00

Most of my posts have been window of emotions or happenings of my life or life I have been surrounded with, it's always nice to pen down things which are difficult to express or are best suited to remain silently on paper or in form of writing..

I have been working with cancer, as i revealed it in my previous post. It involves karyotyping, a technique of studying chromosomes at metaphase stage of cell division, mainly helps in determining any chromosomal abnormalities, which in turn gives idea about any significance it is associated with. In a way it is quite interesting to deal with such study, however can get stressful at times, as it does involves observing under microscope for a pretty long stretch of time.

As it has been initial of my working so have to practice identification of each chromosome at regular intervals, so can make it bit boring. As I have continued with this practise every day, there's something which i could sense with every next observation. Once it was almost time to leave & having a normal tendency of leaving from work as early as possible so it made me to think of avoiding my schedule & skip my practice for that day, also it was time which was filled with loads of emotions which were running through me at that particular time, fortunately it was my guide, a person who is good enough to propel me to give extra bit of hardship for current situation for more easier & comfortable future with respect to my project, who directed me to finish my work before making my way to home.

It was usual observation under microscope of a slide, which had stained preparation of chromosomes, fixed at metaphase stage. I can truly recollect initial few moments which were like years for me, as it was against my wish, as time went by & I started making note of each chromosome there was unusual sense which was clicking in my mind, a unusual sound being fumbled in my ears, it was complete madness for few of those moments with no one near me still being able to hear something, which sounded so friendly, forcing me to desire for more of it. I was in utter confusion but was liking every bit of it.

The words which I could hear were like, " It is pretty common that many of them with high end knowledge bearing people observe us, identify us, make great interpretations, give breath taking conclusions, however few of them have made a small difference to their own life. It can be amazing for imagination that we can occupy such a small part of entire body formation, if seen in normal person's outlook, but control every aspect of life, we stand for life, we are just few in numbers yet make a difference with slight change in number or even with variation in each of us.
We vary among us with each standing for it's own purpose. It has a role to play, which is related to maintaining homeostasis, so if we can be so important & if each life form has so many of us in number if considered in terms of entire body or each cell, it's really simple to apply logic that how much importance a entire living organism can bear, how much capability does one possess, though different people or life forms vary, it's important to bring some kind of relation among each other to allow survival of everyone in this beautiful creation. There's no reason to consider one's own self as unimportant, with same feeling should be harboured for others. If we have so much being gifted by nature, it's more important to put it for purpose, which if realized would certainly change outlook towards life, not with respect to only one person but everyone bypassing or coming in contact. If we as small entity can make so much difference to life, the level of amplification at human level can be so enormous, so many people can be blessed even if single person stands to put this things in practice, not only in respect to one's own life, but with a view of giving that extra bit in everything which we can try for...."

I really can't have my say in it, neither I can draw much of conclusion except that though after reading this post any one would suggest me to consult a good doctor, I can definitely say that whatever time I had given for this amazing experience would remain time for me to cherish & definitely make a difference in my outlook. It was a silent talk which made a very loud impact on my life.

Emotions undefined

2008-05-13T08:13:00.000-07:00

I am writing this post in mid of a major transformation happening in my outlook towards life.

Currently I have involved myself with training with being fortunate of carrying out in one of choice, with field of studying being cancer, analyzing it through genetic abnormalities. I have my hands full as, I had always wished to become a doctor & completing it through KEM hospital, Mumbai, so in a way i am into my dream some way or other.

This phase is becoming part of life with a promise to live me rich with a memorable experience.
In a way i am extremely happy on a part of getting such a opportunity, on the other hand, as there always 2 sides to any aspect, it puts me in emotional turn moil to watch so many people suffering from only a single type of cancer, with specially small kids, who even haven't yet experienced life, have been subjected to such dilemma. The number of cases being uncovered for this particular cancer are getting more in number with each single day, owing to huge amount of illiteracy, ignorance and also to newer analysis techniques being designed. There is no definite solution to it except for trial & error therapies. Although the research is on accelerated path, yet sometimes we become helpless to mysteries which almighty puts up through one way or other.

Just few days back had been to one of my favourite place of hanging out, which is nariman point with few of my friends. Life is so sweet that, every time I visit this place it allows me to view same place with different outlook & view getting beautified with every visit. This time I was watching same sun, which gives same sunset everyday for us to enjoy, there was time, when brightness of this great star got extremely dull, getting covered with clouds, although it provided much needed relief for everyone of us from heat, it was on verge of building story in my mind. As time passed few rays of sunlight broke the dark silence and made that scene worth pictured in my mind forever. Within few minutes sun was it's usual back of enlightening entire sky with it's mesmerising rays. Our footsteps only moved when it was complete sunset, but it left with me gasping for more of it, along with a thought that so many things try to cover light, yet it makes it's path through it's power to become path for us to follow, not only in terms of daily movements but through our way of living life. It always leaves with message that no matter what obstacle we are put to tackle with there has to be some way to move ahead of it with with a better sense of approach towards life & making it more than worth.

With this two phases of my post, i would just like end on a note that I wish, there might be some day when light of some treatment would definitely overcome darkness of the cancer I am analyzing. I consider myself extremely lucky to attach myself with such a research topic, hope that I would help in making small difference one way or other in making this research more profitable for human welfare.

Don't cry coz it's over, smile coz it happened

2008-05-02T06:16:00.000-07:00

It's been long , it's been high, it's been low, it's been bright, it's been in light, it's been might, it's been in sight, it's been in night, it's been a bite, it's been right, it's been reason to fight, it's been guide, it has been on height, it's been tight, it's been a vibe, it has also been kind, it has been reason to hide...that's how life has been...

I am writing this post in mid of summer with rainfall in my eyes,allowing it to get evaporated in heat of sun, it's not necessary to show ur emotions that is what I felt, if people really understood it, they must have valued it, life is extremely sweet, it makes u c , make u go through every emotion, makes u understand the rules to play games, with newer game & newer rules to learn with every single unit of time...

It says who are we to decide how things should be arranged, we are here to think about it, we are here to make things work, given to us by life, why can't we take life as it comes & make it easier to follow, why we always make our say & make efforts to go in directions which leaves us nowhere or if we choose to follow that path why can't we stand by ourselves , why can't we be determined to accept that everything we excpect can't be achieved, why do we lose our patience,
but these are things which are bound to every human, even people who we are inspired to follow or consider great have phases of life where everything seems blurred, it is courage to face them or walking towards fear have made them achieve, which others just dream of without making that dream into their action..

People generally want to have every pleasure, without putting or going through grind which makes a staircase to any happiness..or success, the other side of happiness...we search for things which could rise our level of certain hormones up...is it so necessary that we can make ourselves happy only by few people or few things...why there can't be sense of genrosity or kindness from within...for one's own self...why do we be so tough for our own self...even it can get hurt, though the biggest healing power lies with in us... a true companion always stays somewhere around...

I always felt I had strongest of character who can hold himself in toughest of situations, wothout making others to sympathize for me, sometimes felt did I really judge myself well...from being so tough to have feeling of being a weak character who is jumbled up with reasons being few emotions, few people or few hormones...but atleast I ahve courage to walk beyond my fears...without allowing any thing to interfere with goals I have set....temproary turnmoils, hope not to make them come in my way...

Life is too short to stand at 1 point & do not allow other experiences to follow u, life needs u to gather whatever small or bigger gains u can...someday reasons for tears might become smile with tears, memories to cherish, it's not our duty to realize others what good or bad can we be to them, care or love for someone cannot be understood in realms of time nor it can be estimated by mere of a showoff...it can just be realized by a sense which lies whith evryone of us...people who understood will value it, but who are we to force ourselves on anyone...it is just a effort which wish sometimes makes u feel to have appreciation..liking someone should not be reason for disliking someone or one's ownself, there will always be wish that people who u made feel special, lived more for them then for own self should have been part of ur life the way u wish to...but everything we wish cannot be achieved...so better to cherish whatever u get, take things what life offers u, be kind with ur own self, care for even people who never appreciated ur effort & just wish that whatever life has to offer will be reason for good, just go through emotions, move with the flow & there will always be some reason waiting to make u smile...

2007-11-10T05:07:00.000-08:00

Forward U move, or U move backwards,
U have to move,
U can't stay there, U can't be here,

U came into being, but again U move,
U try to grow, U move ahead,
U find Ur emotions but again U move ahead,
U lose Ur emotions, still U move ahead,
U become mature, again U move ahead,

U reach a point, where U want to remain,
Where U want to stand,
Where U want Ur presence felt, but
U still have to move ahead,
either for Ur self or for others, but
U move ahead &
If U try to be there, it becomes an obstacle,
may be for U, may be for others,

So,
Better U move ahead,
If U have a head, which U don't want to be dead,

but,
It's the way U move ahead,
the path U follow,
the people U choose to be with while moving ahead,

So,
Move ahead with a head on U, to head U to be ahead

Mystery or Just Mysterious

2007-11-10T03:45:00.000-08:00

Alone U feel, alone U stand,
Alone U want, alone U give,
Alone U enjoy, alone U fight,
Alone U can be, but
can U really be alone or
U can never be alone,

Sometimes U want to be alone ,

Sometime U just become alone, but
R U really alone,
It is feeling of being alone,
which makes u alone,

but

U have some one to be with U,
to make U feel how u want,
to make U understand urself,
to make U know, that
U are not not here to be there, but
have a reason, which sometimes U know,
still U are unaware,
which I know, still can't make U aware &
even if i make u aware, U still feel my absence.

U sometimes find me following U,
sometimes being ahead of U,
sometimes being with U,
sometimes away from U, but
U never realize & even others don't feel of me being with them.

I just can be with U,
anytime, anywhere, but
only being silent, without
having any existence, without
making u realise of being with U.

Sometimes U may sense, sometimes U may not,
Sometimes U may find me, sometimes I would be masked,
Sometimes I would be Ur force, sometimes may become Ur weakness,

It's just that I can't leave U neither U can leave me,
It's U who is my origin &
reason for my existence,

so,

If U still think who I am,
then
It's Ur shawdow,
who was there, who is there & who will there for U...............

2007-10-14T08:39:00.000-07:00

Thinking to think or thought for thinking to make it more thoughtful, is it necessary to have thought to be thoughtful or to keep thinking over something so as to be thoughtful, is it really that a thought makes u thoughtful or u think that u are mature to be more thoughtful then others, is it really that thoughtful to have an thought to make u think that u able to think thoughtfully...

How much this thought will make everyone thoughtful, I have no idea for that but then why should be I so thoughtful when it really doesn't makes sense to have so many thoughts for others & u still can't make them to think for u.

A single thought can make u, while u need many thoughts to break u, still we never realize importance of that one thought & have bigger worries over unnecessary things.

It is foolish to say that we should think only positively or have so called positive thoughts.
As per law of nature which says there should always be balance of whatever things or illusions present or being imagined. It really makes sense, if we look at the point of having an thought, if we emphasize so much only to have positive thoughts it implies we are making ourselves to have only brighter part of any of the things which we desire. although it is impossible & even nature doesn't permits to have only good things to happen in life, so that we can learn from whatever wrong happens to us or at least think about an solution over any negative thought we may have.

A thought is not bound by any limits whether to appear in any single individual or to echo the emotions of large number of people. Most of us who take time to think about what thoughts are running through us & try to analyze them, few of us try to find some interpretation for it, few of us become happy to have it, few others get lost in those thoughts, while most of think that we think what most people will never be able to catch up with, while few wise people try to find other people with similar emotions or thoughtful emotions.

Is it really that an few can think what others cannot, some think they can fool others by having an capability to think large with having thought over every single details of their thought. Does an person who knows reading & writing have more thoughts then a illiterate person, but in what sense do we label an person illiterate or immature, even without knowing that although educated person might have more thoughts to cheer for but is that he really can control them & put them to right use or is an beggar expert in that case, who although has nothing to cheer for, not sure about his future still has control over thoughts & has an hope to exist & survive, knowing the reason for which he has been sent.

How much thought then we can put up over an single thought then, no one can decide that range other then we itself, although we are social animals except that we say we have more level of intelligence, which is proved scientifically but have we ever thought that if try to be in the position of other animals & then look at what stage are humans more intelligence, we may get an different answer, thinking positively from that level it may seem that humans may appear biggest fool from that view, it may seem that although we have every thing we are still unhappy about some other thing or in simple terms unable to find our own self.

So what do we do then stop thinking or think more, think according to situation or think without any intention or just think without putting an thought to what we are thinking. Is there really any answer to it, may be it's there & that lies within us, although it sounds too much to say that we have thought for every thing which can be thought about, but really it seems true. It's just that we have one thought at one moment & others follow according to time frame or situation.
God has given such an power to distinguish between thoughts or an an situation just by an single thought.

A thought, what is it exactly, is it just an emotion or an companion which just changes when we need it to change, as we wish to change, some might do it 1 way & others in some different way.
So if we have so much power to bring about such an tremendous change still we tend to fall out on our own thoughts.

It's not that writing this down puts me out of thinking process or helps me to master the thought process but still an fair idea about an thought which is so nice to think upon thoughtfully.

2007-09-27T09:41:00.000-07:00

Life, a word, so simple, yet so complex,

Life, a word worth living, yet not so true

Life, a word with a meaning, yet so meaningless,

Life word with 4 alphabets, yet can't live even with knowing all alphabets,

Life, a word which seems so complete, yet can never be completed,

Life, a word which gives joy, yet it gives so many sorrows, but.......

Life a word whatever it sounds, whatever it means, just comes once so
better make it worth living
so that once though it may be but
it would be worth many

How do I make u understand

2007-09-09T22:06:00.000-07:00

How do I make u understand ,
when u know, still u don't know,

How do I make u understand,
when u are aware, still u are ignorant,

How do I make u understand,
when u are literate, yet so illiterate,

How do I make u understand,
when u know u matter, still u remain apart,

How do I make u understand,
when u know, I care for u, still u remain careless,

How do I make u understand,
when u know everything, still u don't know anything,

How do I make u understand,
u know I live for u, still u are not living to live but u just live to be living,

How do I make u understand,
that even though u may understand
I am not able to understand,
it's me who should understand
better then making others understand...........

What do I write about myself

2007-09-06T08:07:00.000-07:00

What do I write about myself when I know so much about me, yet haven't been able to recognise myself, when I have lost myself among others & cudn trace myself,

What do I write about myself when I feel i am a drop in a sea,

What do i write about myself when I dunno how to be a part of crowd & carrying my individuality,

What do I rite about myself when I feel, I care for even devils on the earth but even angels cant find me in their way,

What do I write about myself when I dint expect from others but when people try to be near to me & then move away when I need them,

What do I rite about myself when I become extremely possessive about few people & I am never able to make them part of my life,

So if u feel I can write about myself then help me in knowing myself with a promise that u will be part of my life till God doesn't mind..

Really real

2007-07-06T01:52:00.000-07:00

It took me almost a month to collect bits & pieces to come up with story which is real yet so filmy with additives like spice, chilly, sugar.. & all those ingredients which can make a real hit filmy dish(story).

Let me go into memory to pen down this experiences or life of a person whom I have known quite well yet have been very far to him.

So it goes back to memory lane & starts from a day when this 'XYZ'( Identity under wraps) person was born & very few people knew that this is going to be 1 of the most turning point in the history of that family, a family which was known amongst rich for it's tradition, blessed with philanthropist family members & with such a rich life.

As the kid, born in a small village as he grew up living with few other relatives & not his parents during his nurturing period, but as genes do work in more dominant form over surrounding environment he grew up living up to reputation of being most hard working person capable of doing any kind of work with relative ease but( A word which is always turning point of any situation) as genes of other people began to be expressed more actively, it's effect lead to few of the mutations in this person & it changed the whole future of the family.

Person got transformed into those people who take life, family for granted & not paying much attention to his own life with only motto being fun & gave few of the near 1's to put hold on every bit of riches he enjoyed, bringing down the whole family to pieces, still as god always sets everything, he sends an angel blessed with strong personality, a women who suffered every bit of tragedy but holding every bit of family helping them remain afloat in a storm that could have easily destroyed even the shadow of the family.

Person who dint even attend his fathers funeral, can only bring more shame to his name. His biggest fear of life is death, a part of god's way to maintain equilibrium in this beautiful world. He only tried to make his trouble look more serious & took help from near 1's in form of money but taking help was not an issue, it was the change in the mentality of that man to just take help by highlighting his problems & running away from his responsibility.

As he got married & with his children coming to this world, life became a mess with difficulties of handling pressure of nurturing children's,yet his better half was a angel fallen by mistake on this earth, came out with solution to make a way out of harshness of life & she becomes solely responsible to make their kids into people who have made name in different perspective of life.

It was not that he dint love his kids but, it was mistake of running away from responsibilities at times when he's near 1's needed him the most. He is in later stages of life where people generally feel to enjoy pleasures of life which they may have missed in their life time still it's a constant fear which he grips himself with to just stay at home with a condition that there should be some member always with him & being adamant of not adjusting to times & need of family has made him sort of person with whom people don't like to remain with, but he is a jovial person who has cared about his family in whatever small way he could & always had a fetish for food, the tradition of family being that no day should go without having a sweet. He needs 1 person to be with him whenever he goes somewhere out & it has been happening from last 50 years.

It is also not that his family doesn't loves him but it's their care which makes them angry over him but their not so near 1's think that it's just a way that these family members use to torture him.In last 50 years no doctor has been able to treat him for his obsessiveness for fear, no counsellor has been able to help him out...

There is no climax yet in this story, but wish this story doesn't shows more twists or Ekta kappor will sign me up for daily soaps....hehehehe....& it just finds a happy ending...

My last post was a blunder, mainly it wasn't posted in correct format but I had done it intentionally. Following this cover page of a real story, soon new post will comprise story of above person's progeny(son)...so remain updated & keep replying...

Me part -2

2007-06-16T03:59:00.000-07:00

I amm riting this down after so many days so just think it takes how much time even to think about 1's own self, but I think we can do in parts, similar to post graduate course i wish to do which is also in parts.

I was born & brought about in very securred enviornment with extra special care & so it was like living within group of people nd feeling secured, but that did become a little curse wher other kids proved too gud nd extra smart but evry1 learns their lessons so did I & as we all know that in this world of so much competition u need to be upgraded very soon or in other words need to learn things very quicly or u just remain wher u started from nd those lessons just need to be stored in ur memmory nd u need to create extra space or increase ur body's hard disk capacity tht's wht I realized it ultimately nd life was joyful like never before.

I know this section is little confusing but i wish u know me more through mine ritng so I will leave it to u for tht part.I amm just on my way to rite down all prespects, just imagine nd u will find that topic in mine list for sure...nd this topics r totally being riten by me.....so originality remains...c u soon...

Me

2007-06-08T20:58:00.000-07:00

I am I & U r U, I like being I & I wish U remain U...coz I can never be U nd U can never be me...so I remain I & U remain U but without forcing others to be U....

As such this post is for describing myself ut does it really matters...coz people who know me from birth still dnt knw me much nd as such even i was unaware of wht I knw about me but ther's time in every1's life when such incidents do happen nd u do get in to know wht u really are....hey dnt consider on gender front...tht evry1 knws wht they r from birth or atleast after reaching smewher near adolescence...hehehe

Let me try out...about hw much I know about me...dnt wry I wnt fekofy...but I amm simple yet sober...born through normal reproduction process..nd I amm normal human being, atleast I think so...I amm mostly in silent zone of coneversations tht's from mine childhood days but I do speak out before few people coz have to...but I like using means other thn verbal conversation or through mouth ...I attach more importance to silent conversations wher ppl can understand each other without much noise(as such noise pollution is on rise so I have a reason to do so...hehehe)...I love to be within group of ppl whtever be it family or friends but both should help u provide u ur individuality tht's important...i love attention but tht's childish part of me..I think it's always good to have ur share of thoughts but it's rather more important to have control over them...I always wish ppl to behave in certain way depending upon situation but tht's from mine point of view..it's fair to let ur emotions out...coz u have nly 1 life to njy it to its limits...compromise forms mine partner in mny things...although its said tht ppl who compromise can never take their decisions but it's better to be flexible atleast when we live in a society...I do lie some time but it's nly for not hurting others & myself..without compromising on former of 2...i love eating...coz it helps u to break down stress...do it nly if u have can burn out calories on other front..I have genes for both being a Leo cum cancerian as my birthdate lies on border front of this 2 sun signs,but love to be in leo zone with heart of an cancerian............kkk ....I think I had a decent start...remain updated, I amm still in mine research stage on me nd mny more things...so ther will be loads of things to come...